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    誰欺騙了世界

    欺騙世界今兒,我和妻子回來的很早,我整理舊物時,在舊木箱里發現了一封信:風花雪月樹常青,人羞羞;顧影自憐水常流,情多愁。鏡花水月,月落冷清秋,人道是朱顏未改、纏綿依舊、伊人留連夢中追逐影,只為那不休。

    看著上面陳舊多情的字跡,勾起了我心中沉重的記憶,它是那么清晰,又極富有詩意。那是我對王玲‘風月癡情終不悔’的愛意,卻落得了‘紅葉斷緣兩相散’的結局。

    我們少年時就戀愛了,可能是兩個少年彼此對真愛的向往,讓我們走到了一起。確立戀愛關系那天放學后,我帶她去了村口的樹林,那兒是我傾訴心聲、宣泄喜怒哀樂的地方,心中的高興在林間毫無顧忌、肆虐洋溢,身子飄飄然,踏著輕快的步伐,鳥兒也為我歡歌,在陽光的照耀下葉子格外油綠,空氣也分外清新,這或許就是初戀的感到吧。我在林子的一角找了棵拳頭一般粗的楊樹,光滑的表面絲毫找不到蒼老的印記,隨風抖動的綠葉襯托著她婀娜的身姿,美極了,我從書包里掏出鐵直尺,在樹上深深地刻下‘玲,你是我一生最愛的人’以示對她的愛意,這是我人生中第一次許下的允諾。

    此后的日子里,我幸福極了,每天互相關切,互相照應,可有一次我欺騙了她,那次我看了氣象預報,提前準備了傘,而她沒有,放學時雨勢也未見減弱。

    “哎,給你傘”我說“那你呢?”

    “我和蔣一起走,他那有,哎,你拿著吧,澆二十多分鐘該感冒了,我心疼!”

    她用深情的眼神看著我,拿著傘回去了。其實,我和蔣并不是一路的,我捧著書包大步向家跑去,一路上跑跑走走,走走跑跑,如密網般的雨滴打在我的臉上,似乎要把我吞噬,五十多分鐘后我到了家,已成了一只狼狽的落湯雞,可心里卻是甜的。沒想到半夜發起高燒來,母親抱怨我竟忘懷自己帶了傘,第二天沒去上學,在家打了兩針,等我上學,她看見我的一刻,哭了。就這樣,我們在初中傻傻地相愛了兩年。

    后來,她考入了重點高中,而我去了普高。三年后,她考入一表院校,我則去了二表大學。我們并沒有把這些當成愛的阻力,時常用書信來往,互相關切、鼓勵學習,當我對我們的未來充溢期待時,怎能料到幾年后讓我心痛的一幕幕。

    畢業后,我在一家保險公司當業務員,她去了一家金融企業上班,我們工作在城市的兩頭,為了實現樹上的允諾,我努力的工作,愿望給她一個更溫馨的家,我也時常抽空去看她,臨走時她總是說:“我們都很忙,沒光陰就不要來看我了,我挺好的,‘兩情若是悠久時,又豈在朝朝暮暮?”我也理解似的點點頭。

    有段光陰真的很忙,有近兩個月沒去看她,只是下班后發幾條問候的信息:氣象變冷,多穿些衣物,多喝熱水,小心感冒,愛你的……記得那天早上我被手機鈴聲吵醒,屏上顯示‘十二月二十三→鈴生日’我忽的記起今天是她生日啊,責怪自己太粗心意,沒有提前準備好禮物,我向總經理請了一下午的假,精心挑選了一條紫色的圍巾和十一朵玫瑰。

    我坐車去她單位的路上天已微微地黑了,空中竟飄起了雪花,不濃不淡,是那樣灑脫,在路燈的映照下格外的晶瑩。望著窗外的景物,我已無心欣賞,腦海中反復出現著各種相見的場景和對白。終于,車到了她單位門口,幸好還沒下班,下了車,深深吸了一口氣,仰頭望著漫天飛雪,看著由遠即近的標致心中充溢了欣喜與期待。

    我站在門口,沒打電話給她,想給她一個莫大的驚喜。等了近十分鐘后,從正門走出一群人,雖然燈不算太亮,我還是一眼就看見了她,她依舊神情斐然,烏黑的長發在與雪共舞,一身冬裝絲毫掩蓋不住她苗條的身材。我捧著花沖了過去:“生日快……”我的笑貌僵住了,她的胳膊挎在了別人身上。她用驚訝的眼神掃過我,就與那人忙得而去,絲毫不給我追問的時機,車漸行漸遠,留我一人在這兒發呆,短短的幾分鐘,渾身的力氣仿佛被抽干一樣,我感到是那么疲倦,良久,才回過神來,坐車往回走,望著車窗外,紛繁而落的雪花,我的心很亂,有種茫然無措的感到,隨后而來的是濃濃的困意,多愿望剛才的一幕都只是一場夢啊,難道真的要‘兩情似雪紛飛,此愛畢竟難回’嗎?

    到家后,我癱坐在沙發上,看著茶幾上我們的合影,我仍抱有一絲妄想地等待著她打來電話:“對不起,我剛才是有急事要離開,他是我表哥,我怕滑倒才挽著他的,親愛的,不要誤會好嗎?”不知自己呆坐了多久,手機忽然響了,打破了屋里的寧靜,也打碎了我的妄想,我慌忙拿起手機,顯示的是一條信息:“對不起,,我剛才是有急事要離開,我認為我們不適合在一起,你給不了我想要的生活,我們分別吧……”我仿佛看著一張判我無期的法院判決書,那滋味,一生難忘。難道這么多年的感情說沒就沒了嗎?與我見面告別的勇氣都沒有嗎?物質生活就那么首要嗎?可我一直在努力啊!或許是我太年輕,或是按奈不住心中的壓抑與委屈,我再也噙不住那些多情的淚水,瞬間,落了下來。我沒有給她回信息,我不知道該說些什么,既然能狠心仍下我,我強求也是徒勞,就尊重她的選擇吧,就讓我滿腔的憂傷化作淚水肆意流淌吧……痛過、哭過后,我喝了不少酒,那是我第一次喝的爛醉如泥,人事不醒。第二天中午被公司的電話吵醒,請了三天的病假,放下電話感覺一陣頭疼,我把自己關在屋里,抱怨自己的無能,不能抓住愛人的心,欲哭無淚后我又醉了兩天,第三天醒來洗過臉后,我想了很多,這樣的生活太過于頹廢,這不是我。冷靜后,更多的是對她的理解,在這個物欲橫流的社會里,真愛占具了怎樣的位置?有多少人能經得起誘惑?又有多少人能坦然的說我是真心的愛他(她)?我什么都明白了。我把我們的信都找了出來,足有一千多封,我留最下面的一封,其余的連同她的相片都送到了她家,還有那條紫圍巾和十一朵凋謝的玫瑰,按了一下門鈴,就轉身逃開,至于她是怎么處理的我就無從得知了。

    回去后,洗過澡就睡了,幾天來第一次睡個安穩覺。第二天清晨,幾縷陽光透過玻璃照在臉上,緩緩睜開眼睛,天,是那么藍,屋里的一切都是那么親切,我從床上起身,深深地吸了一口氣,又狠狠地伸了個懶腰,感到我心中也升起了一個太陽。快速洗漱、簡單吃些早餐就慌忙趕去公司。可能是年輕人努力進取的沖勁吧,或是為了把她忘懷,我開始了為事業奮斗的過程,整日早出晚歸,風里來雨里去,早沒有從前的嬌氣,雖然稱不上敬業樂業,但也是勤勤勉懇地工作,以求得心中的一份安寧。終于,我的努力沒有枉費,辛苦工作一年后,由于業績突出,成功簽定了幾分大合同,得到了總經理的注重,被提到業務經理的職位,我深知社會競爭的猛烈,只要不努力就會被淘汰,因此,我把所有的精力都投入到工作中。就在我快要把她忘懷的時候,一天下午我接到了她打來的電話:

    “你……還好嗎?”

    “我還好,你呢?”我說。

    “你能聽我說幾句話嗎?”

    “哦,說吧”

    “我好后悔離開你,請原諒我好嗎?我好悼念有你陪伴我的日子,有時認為你很傻很笨,可你有自己愛我的方式。真的愿望我們還能在一起,給我一次愛你的時機好嗎?”她啜泣著說。

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