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    那一去不返的青春

    初中同學叢凌在聊天室中相約聚會,畢業十載,我還從未參加過初中同學的聚會,因為和那時的同學,貌似都無甚交集,但想想春節也沒什么忙事,就答應了。

    初四晚,叢凌發短信說讓我先去找他,再一起去天藍——聚會的餐廳。我心生喜悅,心想無論如何,叢凌還是夠看得起我,雖然我們相識十多年,在一起的話也沒超過多少句,然而這,對我來說就已經足夠了。

    凌晨九點起床,吃飯洗頭畫個淡妝,出門已然十點半。我不知道自己是什么心理,明明想應該早點早點,最終還是沒戰勝被窩的魅力,那么晚才起床。一路騎著自行車路過初中高中六年經過的熟識的路,感懷萬千。十點五十五分到他家樓下,已經不早。他說家里人太多,他下樓找我得了。我心里有點異樣的感到,原來他是約了不少人去他家的。他下了樓,我把借來的自行車放在他家的小屋,然后坐了剛好開車來找他的另一同學關維的車。

    路上又接了兩名女同學,一位是我曾經的同桌依依,另一位是當時第一排的友邦小萱。

    叢凌真是和誰都熟。

    聚會的人不多。來者大多數是學習不太好,初中畢業便留在我們那個小鎮的同學,在當地混得也算不錯,各個都是開車前來,而像我這樣還在為一張學位奮戰的鉆研生,卻是借了輛自行車過來的。一張張已然辨認不出痕跡的面孔中,我才發現,原來我來只是因為叢凌。

    和很多同學已然說不上話,只有敬酒、喧鬧而已。

    后來去了一家KTV。

    另個男同學喝多了不斷播放震耳欲聾的夜店音樂,我被敬了一些酒,竟然頭暈目眩起來。耳邊轟轟作響的音樂更讓我更感不適。

    不知是我神經過敏還是怎樣,幾個男生可能因為喝了酒,舉止很是放肆,讓我很反感。

    唱了兩首歌,在北京愛混KTV的我竟然完全唱不出感到。

    后來又點了兩首,《含糊》剛要播時,,叢凌暫停了。他拿起話筒向大家賠禮,說自己馬上要走,明天要訂婚,家里正在準備。大家嘻嘻哈哈兩句,我和小萱依依也順便跟他一同出來了。

    到了叢凌樓下,他說:易蘇,你能走嗎?要不去我家歇會兒?我說算了吧,你家應該很忙吧!他說也是。我說沒事我還是走吧以后見!然后騎自行車走了。

    路上忽然想到,這大概是最后一次單獨見他了。上次見他的時候——“2005年”,他在關維的車上這樣說道。——以后我不會再有這種時機了。他要結婚了,以后定居他鄉,逢年過節回家也必定攜妻帶子,我不可能再作為老同學登門拜訪,所以上午我的遲到,已然失掉最后一次時機。

    這樣說未免夸張矯情,只是我從小就愛這么想問題。小時候騎車走出一條小巷時,后頭傳來車輪、車鈴或者腳步聲,我總會問自己:看看是誰么?有時我不回頭直接拐出小巷,心里總有一個聲音奉告我:你大概一輩子都不會知道某年某月某天的某個時辰,在我身后經過的人是誰了。

    這大概有些強迫癥,小時候一些事情往往被我看得很首要。我大概太為敏感多情了。

    ——明天他將訂婚,他27歲,要結婚了。怎么這樣早便要結婚呢?我們短暫的青春,就這么戛然而止了,就像那首《含糊》,停在那里,很快就會被切換。沒有挽回的余地。

    其實,他并不是我想象中的叢凌,他早已和女友同居。或許,我想象中的叢凌從來就不存在。

    人生不是電視劇,而我也不是女主角。

    轉眼十余年,2000年7月畢業,現在是2011年。

    我一直以為我的人生會如電視劇中描繪的那般豐厚多彩,其實我只能寫寫文章,感嘆下過去和現在。至于將來,我不清楚,又似乎很清楚。

    多年以后的聚會場面,必定是大家紛繁擺出兒女的照片,一臉幸福;再往后就是探討子女的學習問題,就像我們小時候爸媽跟別人討論我們的成績一樣……

    這樣想下去,我真不懂這有什么意思?人生的意義又在哪里?

    我們有了愛情,我們結了婚,于是我們過起了平庸的生活

    而我們小時候的夢呢?多姿多彩絢麗無比的夢呢?

    都去了哪里?它們?

    我想不透。

    趁著酒意,我騎著自行車,一路唱著年少時的歌,向家中駛去。

    說很微信號(谷普下載):duanwenxuewang,鼠標移到這里,一鍵關注。

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